Suffering in Silence

Yup, you just had to see that photo. I know it's gross, but it's necessary in telling the story. A close-up of the polyp that was surgically removed from my right vocal fold. That 8millimeter bugger right there is responsible for my hoarseness and vocal fatigue. Heaven knows how many voice projects I've been denied because of this pea-sized lesion. Now, I'm rendered speechless, one less talker in the world. Post-operative instructions suggest that I observe a week of absolute vocal rest to give the tissue in the larynx a good time to heal. It also suggested that it might take as long as 10 weeks for my voice to regain its original power and quality. The household is going to be awfully quiet for a long time.

I'm just glad I got it out of the way. I could recall the jitters I got days before the operation last Saturday, July 28, 2007. I was told that if I'm to contract a cold and a fever then the surgery will have to be moved to a later time- a luxury I cannot afford. It doesn't help that my wife had a cold and a fever as the date of the surgery was fast approaching. She was so sick that she can't accompany me to the hospital last Friday when I checked in. It was of no consolation too that my sister, a radiologist doctor, had a full-blown flu as well. I found myself alone in my hospital room the night before my operation, save for my assistant whose talents are limited to menial tasks such as buying me a snack or watching over my valuables when I'm whisked away for pre-op evaluation. You can't blame me for sounding ungrateful. He screwed up my social health insurance validity when he pocketed the money I gave him to pay for my monthly contributions. But that's a different story for another day.

So there I was, wondering why I was in a decrepit government hospital. Then I remembered that my doctor was the Chairman of the ENT (Eyes, Nose and Throat) Department of this medical center, the Jose Reyes Memorial Hospital. He assured me that although the environment leaves much to be desired, I may take comfort in the fact that they have new and up-to-date equipment for my kind of surgery. This trivia he relayed to me while warning me against wearing my watch when checking in the hospital lest it be stolen. How assuring.

And up-to-date indeed. I was summoned from my room for a pre-operative laryngoscopy, and after going through the agony of having that rod rammed down my throat (bringing me to tears and a comical episode of gagging fits) I was told to go back and do the whole ordeal all over again because the damn DVD recorder refused to live up to its name the first time. Sheesh.

By 11pm I was instructed not to eat or drink anything. This was pretty pointless as the effects of an earlier imbibed half a tablet of Midozalam was starting to manifest itself, beckoning me an audience with the Sandman. I then drifted to sleep.

I woke up to the big day, and somehow it didn't start right. But, considering the luck I've had while in the hospital premises, I didn't find this much of a surprise anymore. Rookie of a resident ENT entered my room and announced that he had been tasked to insert a Butterfly IV needle into a vein in my hand. This he did... about three times. For someone who works in a government hospital that never runs out of patients, I'd have expected him to have had lots of experience in sticking them things. Just when I fall under that category of people who have an irrational fear of needles, this had to happen to me.

Later I was wheeled towards the operating room. I think half of the Midozalam was administered through my IV and I felt it physically coursing through my veins. The pain was undeniably excruciating, as if some sci-fi creature on a joyride got under my skin. All of a sudden, I was enveloped in darkness.

After coming to in the Post-operative Recovery Ward with an oxygen mask on my face, I was wheeled back to my room where my wife was waiting for me. A little later, my sister arrived, a face mask on her mouth to keep her viruses to herself. Seeing these familiar faces made me so happy I wanted to scream, but we know that's impossible. I was told that I was out for three hours. As the aenesthesia wore off, the soreness in my tongue established itself. Upon checking in the mirror I saw the visible traces of the pressure the metal laryngoscope exerted on my tongue during the procedure. It resembled the sharp end of a primitive spear, its edges unglamorously serrated.

After hours of not doing anything and wishing to be discharged immediately, my doctor showed up and described what happened during the procedure. He described the polyp to be angiomatous- blood vessels were feeding it hence its growth (angio meaning blood vessels). My body must have thought it was part of my physiology, it being there for so long, and directed a few capillaries to sustain it. Bizarre, but this is pretty much normal. It only posed a problem during the surgery when the bleeding didn't show signs of letting up. He had to cauterize it and left a burn mark. A laser would have been the more appropriate, state-of-the-art approach, but if you've been following the events in this story, well....

By the time he told me that I may pack and head home, the hospital's cashier have already closed shop an hour ago. So I didn't have a choice but to suffer in silence as I stayed for another night by myself as my wife had to head home and watch over my son.

By 8AM the next day my wife was in the cashier's office to settle the bills, and her jaw dropped when she was told that their system is not computerized, which is why she had to come back after 3 hours as they manually put the invoices together and summed it all up. She was so mad she told me that if she only knew, she wouldn't have mind paying triple the amount for a more efficient hospital. I finally got home by lunchtime.

In spite of all the tragedies and inconveniences I've been through I still couldn't help feeling good about everything. It was a trying time, but the prayers from my Mom and Dad and my Father-in-law suffused me with strength and courage. I'm just glad that this chapter in my life is over. I was welcomed at the door with a "day-dee" from my 1 year and 5 month old son who's just beginning to learn how to talk. He'll have to do all the talking in the house for now.

30July07/ Manila, Philippines

Farewell, Pearl....

I just took snapshots of my Honda CRV from the 4th floor parking area. Quite a sad affair as I waxed nostalgia on the 13,476 kilometers that we have shared together. I ran my fingers across its lush leather interior, toyed with its knobs and dials, and caressed its smooth, flawless finish, hoping to retain that feeling in my memory for as long as I can before I finally let her go. It will only be a matter of days before someone will agree on the price I've set. Let's just hope she goes to someone who'll take good care of her.

This whole business of relocating to Singapore, you see, came up a year after I bought Pearl (yes, cars have to be named too). I've always thought that I would have a long lasting relationship with this one, versus the second-hand car I had before (a white 1996 Toyota Corolla GLi. Whitey is her name). The idea of getting a brand new car is to keep one from having to deal with frequent repairs and cumbersome maintenance expenses, and get to know all of the car's history first-hand for future reference. But, as with all things being unpredictable, fate dealt her cards differently. If anything, I'm sure it was all for a good reason. After all, Coelho mentioned that the universe has this uncanny way of conspiring with us when we want something so as we may achieve our wishes. True enough. And not a bad trade-off by the way.

But it's just not easy to deny the attachment a guy has on his car. Most especially if it's a sweet ride. Well, according to my standards. It's just the right size to drive around the city. It's decent enough to withstand floods in Manila, long drives out of town, and trunk space big enough to lug dive equipment and more. Of course, the acoustics are noteworthy as well. Nothing beats cruising through long wide open roads, clear skies, the thrill of a far far away destination, great company, and memory-provoking background music. These are the stuff that one live for.

I shall then keep the memory of Pearl alive through the photos I've taken of her, and the first music I played in her player: July for King's New Black Car. (There goes the drama. Can't help it. I know my car's white. The tune is just so catchy.)

25July07 Manila, Philippines

Technological Marvels and wearing Underpants

As I mentioned in my earlier post (Virgin Blogger pops Cherry), I have taken advantage of what technology has to offer in my line of work. Before I ramble on about my toys, I'd like you to know that I work as a Continuity Announcer for a TV station in the Philippines called the Hero Channel. It shows Japanese Anime and Sentai shows dubbed in Filipino. My voice, this time in English, comes in during the breaks, announcing promos, preview plugs, or what have you. In short, I'm the TV Station Voice. This has been going on since January of 2006.

To get to work, I drive all the way to the nearest MRT station (Ayala), park my car and take the train to the nearest station to ABSCBN (Quezon Ave). Then, in a futile attempt to burn calories (which I regain later during the day when snacking), I do an 8 minute walk to the TV station. On the 10th floor of the ELJCC building that's where the offices and the recording studio are. I say hello to the writers, get their scripts and their audio tapes, knock on the sound engineer's quarters to summon them for work, then off we go inside the recording studio. Once I'm done I give them back their audio tapes, then walk back to the station, ride the train, get to my car, drive home. If I'm to sum it up, the whole trip (to and back) takes about 3 hours. The recording process takes about 20 minutes. Crazy, isn't it? Don't forget that I subject myself to the stressful ordeal of driving through traffic, riding the public transport packed with people who haven't been introduced to a deodorant, and spending for parking, gas, and MRT tickets. Really crazy. So, I figured, there must be a way to make my life easier. After asking around with my friends in the recording industry, mostly sound engineers, I finally saw the light. Or in this case, maybe even heard it.

May I present to you the Samson Co3u. Go ahead and google it. It's a professional microphone, but this time it attaches itself to my Macbook via USB. No need for converter boxes, or pre-amps. Once I have downloaded the scripts sent to me by my writers via email, I just plug this baby right in, use iLife's Garage Band software to record and edit my voice, export it to iTunes to convert it to AIFF format, then upload it through Sendspace.com. Sendspace sends me a link where I may download or delete the file, then I forward this link to my writers. I do this without leaving the house. All I do is surround my table with pillows, put a pillow over my head (yes, I know, it looks so silly, but it keeps my voice from bouncing from the ceiling), hit the record button, and voice away. No need to drive or ride the train.

Best of all, I can do this wearing only my underwear. But that would paint a really nasty image so forget I said that.

Point is: I've set up my own portable studio. I can even work while travelling. However, this could only work for that particular job I mentioned above. I don't think this could work with Radio and TV advertisement recordings since the producers still prefer directing the voice talents in real time and in the flesh. But one has got to admit, technology has made my life easier.

I'm not keeping my hopes up, however. I know how much space I've dedicated harping over this form of convenience, but the truth is, I have yet to hear from the TV management if they are willing to allow this relatively new method. Honestly, I've been doing this for a couple of weeks already, and earlier today, I personally went there to get some feedback from our writers. Writers are okay with it, so I went to ask the channel producer. Channel producer said they are aware of: 1. my relocation to Singapore and 2. if they decide to keep me they will allow the emailing of my voice. Channel producer said they have yet to decide on it.

My take? They're going to let me go and get another talent.

For sure they're going to come up with some reason as to why it would be an inconvenience if I can't work in the usual fashion. They might even say that I'm pushing my luck. I myself wouldn't retain myself. I'd fire my pompous ass. It's not like there's a massive clamor for my oh-so-the-usual announcer voice. They could easily conduct auditions and get a replacement.

And so the adventure continues: will I still retain my TV station Voice-Over status? Or will they tell me to quit or else they'll ram my co3u USB microphone up my ass?

Stick around. I'll enlighten you.

12July07/ Manila, Philippines

Disturbance in the Vocal Force

Cripes. What a day. Before I relay the day's events, may I first establish the fact that about 7 months ago I underwent a videostroboscopy, a procedure where an ENT (Ear Nose Throat Specialist) rammed (gently of course) a more than a foot long silver instrument with a video camera and a teeny light bulb at the tip to examine my vocal folds. Turned out there was a polyp the size of a pimple. This explains why I have been hoarse for 3 months prior to that diagnosis. A microlaryngoscopic surgery was in the horizon.

However, my running contract as a continuity announcer in a TV channel, along with my ongoing stint as a character product endorser, plus my other radio and TV voice-over projects, kept me from coming up with a date for the operation. Until today.

I figured that since my contract with the TV station will be over by the end of July, and we'll be relocating to Singapore by mid-August, today was the right time to see my surgeon and set that surgery date. So off I went to his clinic for my consultation and he proceeded to do a laryngoscopy on me to assess that polyp. What I saw shocked the bejeesus off me: the polyp has grown into the size of a pea.

He sounded casual about it though. I find this surprising as he rattled off on how there is a one to a hundred thousand chance of not waking up after a procedure of general aenesthesia. I should have struck out the question "what's the worst thing that could happen?" from my list. I know the odds aren't against me, but somehow it just failed to suffuse me with any bit of comfort at all.

This series of disturbing events gave way to a series of blank spells during the day. Fortunately, the information one may come across in the internet has the capacity to provide relief. I googled my case, read more about it, and somehow it eased me of my fears. Check it out on http://www.voicemedicine.com/polyp.htm.

I guess I'll be able to sleep better tonight. Looking forward to July 28, 2007.

11July07/Manila, Philippines

Blog Virgin pops cherry

Here goes. I've always thought that blogs are for those who have a lot of free time in their hands, or worse, for those who have a morbid idea that they are reeking with self-importance. But then I figured a few nice things about blogs, and how practical they could be. Practical, in a sense that one could use it to spruce up an on-line resume (I got this tip from yahoo: http://hotjobs.yahoo.com/jobseeker/tools/ept/careerArticlesPost.html?post=145), and well, for sentimental reasons. After going through Blogger's quick tour, I realized that this could work as a personal diary. Might as well make use of the marvels of technology (you'll learn about how I make good use of it in my future entries), and there's also the possibility of being struck with Alzheimer's in the future. Maybe my grandkids could read me my personal journal again to have a grip of this past life. They might learn from my plentiful mistakes. Or have a good laugh at the ridiculous endeavors that I have subjected myself to.

So there's my excuse for coming up with my own blog. I've convinced myself enough. And just so you'll know, I do have a lot of free time. For now, I guess. The past few weeks have been crazy what with all the wedding preparations. But honestly it was my beautiful wife who did most of the work so maybe I was just stressing out over nothing. It is then appropriate to congratulate me, for I just got married two days ago (Philippine time). Yup, July 7, 2007. Supposed to be lucky. But hell, we make our own luck. We're both still euphoric over how much fun the celebration was. So lucky to have very good people as friends and family.

This is it for now. Can't wait to see this entry published in my blogger. Gotta search for a decent photo to mark this page as my own.

Here's to my new blog page. Thanks to the people of Blogger.com.

9July07/ Manila, Philippines